What a morning.

Before writing about my hectic morning I should probably give you some background information about the topic in hand. A few months ago Roddrick, our cook, was diagnosed with an advanced stage of HIV. It isn't anthing shocking here in Malawi, for at least a third of the population is affected by it. He was admitted into hospital for two weeks to recover from his miserable health state- and believe me, public hospitals here are worst than you can imagine. Matresses on the floor with 3 people on them, insect infested corners, lack of medicines, unbearable smells. Nevertheless, he returned home (he lives with his family next door to us) but was still on bed rest and unable to return to work.

So it's been 3 months of nursing him at home, ensuring he is taking his medicine and accompanying him to the clinic. This morning Paulo (my adopted "dad") and myself were off to take him to an appointment. As we waited in the car, one of his kids came to tell us that Roddrick was not in a state to walk. I quickly rushed in his bedroom and it took me less than 5 seconds to realise that he needed to go to hospital as soon as possible. He had a pulse and was breathing, but other than that he was most likely in a coma or septic shock.

"We need to call an ambulance", Paulo said. We looked at each other and both thought the same thing. Are there even ambulances in this place? A few phone calls later we realised that there might be an ambulance available in the hospital, but because of fuel shortages it wasn't operating. And anyway, there are no paramedics to assist him in the ambulance so it wouldn't have made a difference. So we decided to take him in the car.

As I went back to his bedroom, the family's blank faces weren't promising. I got closer to Roddrick and quickly checked for vital signs- none at all. I couldn't believe I was actually having to pronounce someone's death.

It felt surreal to see this all happen, to have to deal with all this and not even be able to properly speak to his relatives due to language barrier. So many things were running through my mind. Roddrick's wife died 2 years ago, leaving him to take care of his 4 children aged 7-15. What will happen to them? Where will they live and will they be able to attend school? And where does Roddrick's body go? Where do we get a coffin from? How much does a coffin even cost? As the morning painfully dragged itself, the answers to these questions were slowly revealed.

I've decided to share this with not only because it was an experience for me, but because it's a part of life here in Malawi. No matter how shocked I am, I should realise that this happens every single day. What a morning.